It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
