Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
