I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize