You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
