It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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