Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize