Cold hands, warm shart.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
