I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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