so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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