so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
