He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize