two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
is it fun? or sober?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
