Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
