Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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