He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
