If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think i have two assholes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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