Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
