her vagine was all disorganized.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
