No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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