We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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