Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
