Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you inspire me to be a worse person
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
