The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
