If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
