Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
