you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
