Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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