bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
