the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
