Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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