Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
