I'm passing your future prison.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
