Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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