What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
