That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
