made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself