I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?