You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.