I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's shark week go big or go home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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