fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it