Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again