I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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