idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
