Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
