girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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