The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
