i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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