I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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