I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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