Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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