I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
