ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
