sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
