exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So squirting runs in the family.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
