walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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