I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
