hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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