Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
