saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
