I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds