then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag