I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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