that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP