I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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