you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
