There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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