I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
