I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
