There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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