I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
