God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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