How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
PANTIES FOUND
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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