wanna go halves on a baby?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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