I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize