sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
