I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
